Typed fourteen-year-old me into the family computer, immediately deleting any digital trace of my search.
Now that I am older and debatably wiser I think its time for me to dissect this feeling from my childhood by breaking down this search.
Help
I typed frantically as if the solution for my perceived “gayness” existed somewhere within the depths of the internet. Spoiler alert: it didn’t.
I think
The carefully placed “I think” was a not so little fragment of hope that perhaps this was “Just a phase”.
I am Gay
The acceptance of this fact terrified fourteen-year-old me and this fear was a big reason why it wouldn’t be until four years later that I’d finally admit it to myself.
Looking back on it now, I can’t help but laugh at myself. After a lot of soul-and-chatroom searching, I eventually came to the realization that I had a problem. No, not that I am Gay… but that I thought my being gay was a problem.
See this whole time I was searching for a solution to a problem that didn’t exist.
If you are out there questioning your sexuality just please know that regardless of what you hear from people around you and people online there is nothing wrong with you.
There are countless online resources available for those in your situation, I’ve included a short list of websites that offer support and information for a variety of situations that people in the LGBT community face:
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I invite you to comment and share some of your own experiences, you can do so below!
Thanks for reading,
Colin
Becoming Myself, Digitally
Becoming Myself, Digitally 