Is Katy Perry a Gay Icon? Or Did She Use the Gay Community to Launch Her Career

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Katy Perry, the once reigning popstar that dominated the charts for much of the 00’s who famously made reference to gay community in multiple of her songs.

But did her mention of the gay community help or hinder it?

Now this is a question that has garnered fierce debate from all sides as there seem to be two different camps on her impact, she emboldened the community or she embarrassed it.

In the song that truly launched her career, “I kissed a Girl” Perry manages to bring forth the topic of homosexuality while problematically  referencing several stereotypes which largely stems from they lyrics at the beginning of her song:

“I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion”

Although seemingly harmless in nature this lyric set reinforces that age-old stereotype that in order to be gay, or experiment – you need to be blackout drunk. Or in some way lose your discretion (Ability to make responsible decisions)

This song was not even the worst of her offenders the next song of debate cuts right to the chase and offends many in the title alone “Ur So Gay (And you don’t even like boys)”

This WHOLE song is based on Gay male stereotypes in her lyrics Perry gets quite catty with some of her remarks. She even goes as far as to list off things that can make someone “Gay” without even liking boys which include: being a vegetarian, driving an electric car, listening to indie rock and even wearing sunscreen???

I need not list the problematic lyrics from this song, just listen for yourself and you will quickly find the whole song a problem.

So what’s the verdict?

Honestly, I don’t think Perry’s absolute disregard for any respect for the gay community was entirely intentional. But personally, I can’t forgive her particularly for the latter song which opens up with “I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf”.

Although in 2017 Katy Perry was the recipient of the National Equity Award for her “Work with the gay community” … no, I am not kidding.

All I can say is that if I were judging for that award I would surely have the criteria checked. But that’s my opinion.

What’s yours?

Do you feel that Perry rose to fame by capitalizing on gay stereotypes to get people talking? Or do you believe that in the 10 years since these songs have come out that people have gotten a little sensitive?

Let me know what you think in the comment section below.

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Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

3 Things to Know Before Coming Out

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Coming is not an easy process for anybody. The fear of coming out is only natural; your brain is hardwired to avoid risk and for a lot of people, coming out is very risky.

It’s a risk for your family life, social life and sadly in some backwards countries today it is still a risk to your LIFE.

So with all that is unknown, it can be hard to justify taking that leap into living your life true to you. I am going to demystify a few things about coming out that you should know beforehand in order to better prepare yourself.

  1. People are Ignorant

This should come as no shock to you, but your sexuality will certainly be a shock to some people. Let it be. Don’t entertain debate about the validity of your sexuality. Certain people will never understand.. and they don’t have to! If they don’t like gay marriage then they shouldn’t get gay married. Don’t waste your time justifying yourself, you are 100% justified to be you whatever that entails.

    2. Take care of yourself, let your friends in

The coming out process can weigh a heavy toll on your mental health, keep your head up and lean on your friends, your friends that support you.  If you foresee that coming out is going be tough on you, try and strategically pick a few friends to come out to first who you know will support you.

    3. It will get better.

Cliche I know. But it will. Trust me in this, listen to your gut and do what you need to do to be you. No matter how well or how bad people take it, the experience will be a liberating one if you view it as one.

If you feel like you have no one to talk to feel free to contact me

or contact an appropriate hotline who can help you find resources.

What are some things you think people should know before coming out?

Let me know what you think in the comments.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Did Dating Apps Ruin Gay Bars?

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It would be hard to point out even one thing in life that technology hasn’t affected and the gay bar scene has definitely not been spared. Historically speaking, gay bars were the community hubs for gay people a place where they could be open with their sexuality and pursue people of the same sex.

A lot has changed since the Stonewall riots but until recently gay bars had maintained their cornerstone status in gay culture. With increased awareness of gay culture more and more straight people, particularly straight women flocked to the gay bars as there place of choice to let loose on a Friday night. It was not this that drove gay people out, but the many gay oriented dating apps. No longer was the gay bar the only place gay people could meet each other. They could meet each other virtually, or virtually anywhere.

Now although the title of the post seems to have a negative connotation it is my opinion that this is not wholly a bad thing.

Although gay bars were an early cultural hub they were also a big component of what drove gay culture so closely together with addiction to alcohol and other substances. These substances coupled with this gay meeting space created the dangerous mix that lead many to become infected with STDs.

However, online dating did steal the face to face connections at gay bars the glory days of going into the bar and being hit on or sparking up a conversation. This is something that is increasingly lost on the millennial generation as a whole as we grow attached to our devices as a source for these connections.

I am interested to hear what you think, Did Dating Apps Ruin Gay Bars?

Or have they made gay dating better?

Let me know what you think in the comments.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Ellen, How One Woman Became a Champion for the Gay Community

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If there is anyone from the last twenty years that comes to mind when you think of queer icons, its Ellen Degeneres. Her bubbly personality, sense of humor and ability to broach difficult topics at the same time made her a perfect role model for gay people everywhere.

Although I was too young to recognize it at the time, Ellen’s famous coming out in the “Puppy Episode” of her hit TV show Ellen was a huge step forward for the gay community and personally,  I can’t imagine the political landscape of gay culture without Ellen at its forefront.

The feelings Ellen displays in her famous coming out scene are relatable for many people who have come out and for many who have yet to come out still, in true Ellen fashion she incorporates some tasteful comedy into the scene:

After this famous scene, Ellen found herself in the heart of a media frenzy which polarized Americans and fueled debate and discussion around the world which undoubtedly accelerated the acceptance of gay people into western society.

Whether Ellen knew what she was getting herself into or not she had been catapulted into a rainbow spotlight that was cast on her anytime a big event happened within the gay community.

One such instance was where Ellen found herself in the spotlight was at a vigil for one Mathew Shepard who found himself murdered as a result of his sexuality. Her raw and powerful speech humanized gay people unlike ever before:

If you haven’t heard of the Mathew Shepard story I recommend checking out the movie written about his life and final moments, Matt Shepard is a Friend of Mine.

As for Ellen, I am sure a day will come where a movie will be made on her life and legacy as a result of her contributions to the LGBTQ community.

Thank you, Ellen, for all that you have done and continue to do for all of us.

Do you have any Queer Icons that stood out for you? Let me know by commenting on this post.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Being Gay in High School: Why I hid it.

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When should I come out? To whom should I come out to first? How should I come out?

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All of these questions that bombarded me late at night when rather than sleeping I was up watching coming out stories on YouTube, reading articles about being gay or doing pointless buzzfeed surveys to confirm what I already knew as if it would somehow be changed.

To answer that first question “When should I come out?” I quickly realized that coming out while in high school would not be a good move for me. I was not one of the popular kids nor did I eat lunch alone I was that middle of the pack, under the radar kind of guy.  I thought that if I came out in High School or told anybody that rumors would fly and suddenly I would be on everyone’s radar.

This thought did not go unfounded as I heard the rumors about other kids in the school whether it was confirmed or not when someone was thought to be gay… it was talked about. In the chemistry lab, at the cafeteria table and even “the smoke pit” the news traveled fast.

I spent a lot of time denying my sexuality in high school going out with girls and really for all intents and purposes trying to be straight. It was for that reason that I felt my coming out would put an even larger target on my back. So I hid it.

My gut told me high school would not be the right setting, so I waited until it was over.

Soon after high school finally ended I slowly but surely came out to each and every one of my close friends and family.

After that, I went to college and from that point on anytime that it came up I was honest, not scared anymore to admit the fact that I was gay. I never shouted it from the rooftops or told every person I saw but if it came up in conversation I no longer changed the topic.

This is what worked for me. Thankfully I  was lucky enough to have lots of very supportive friends and family and I understand this is not the case for everyone.

I have a few tips if you or someone you know is looking to come out but doesn’t know where to start.

Tip #1 

If you feel that some important people in your life may not take the news well, tell those you think will react well first. This will build you a support circle so that if things get bad you have people to lean on.

Tip #2

Don’t rush. Don’t feel pressured to come out if you are not ready and you don’t need to tell the whole world at once. Start small, but for your own sake, start.

Tip #3

Give people time to process the information and don’t take offense if they aren’t surprised by this new information.

If you have any tips you’d like to share with me feel free to comment on this post I’d love to hear them.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Read this before you download Grindr

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So you’re ready to meet someone?

You are not alone if when you read that sentence the first thing that came to mind was online dating. The gay community has a number of specific applications tailored to them Grindr, Manhunt, and Hornet to name a few. Since Grindr is one of the few platforms I tried out when I was looking to meet someone I am going to describe based on my own experience what it was and what it wasn’t and ultimately why I deleted it.

What it was:  Grindr is pretty much solely a hookup app, I say pretty much because people looking for a genuine relationship are few and far between. A lot of people are drawn to the app because of the anonymity of it, unlike Tinder, you don’t require to link any other social media platforms to it. If you are looking for hookups, then look no further but if you are looking for a genuine connection I suggest you look elsewhere.

What it wasn’t: Safe. The anonymity that Grindr provides is a double-edged sword as those who are in the closet can meet people without outting themselves but at the same time, it is filled with catfish and people with genuine malicious intent as you can see in the two articles below:

Grindr Serial Killer

Man Intentionally Poked Holes In Condoms To Infect Grindr Hookups With HIV

In my on-again-off-again relationship with Grindr when I was single I talked with many but met with few and can say without a doubt all of all were disappointing.  For me personally, I felt too much like a piece of flesh and less like a person with feelings and for that reason, I used other online platforms to meet my awesome boyfriend.

Grindr is that place your parents warned about where you talk to strangers on the internet.

I don’t want to end this piece off on a negative note. If you do choose to use Grindr, I recommend you use caution and more caution than I myself used when I was meeting people off the app. Here are a few handy tips to keep you safe:

  • Always share your location with a friend. You can spare them the gory details but if you can find one friend who you can share this with it will give you some peace of mind
  • Meet in a public space. No, don’t do it right there in the park but give yourself a little time to read the person and be sure to listen to your gut.
  • Be prepared. I am pretty sure you know what you are into so bring the appropriate supplies I’m not talking handcuffs and blindfold. I am talking protection (Okay you can bring the handcuffs and blindfold too)

Be sure to like my page to hear about which app I found successful and how I used it in coming articles.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Macklemore, How the Thrift Store Rapper Helped Me Come Out

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The title of this post may come off as a little bit of clickbait seeing as Macklemore did not personally help me come out. However indirectly through his lyrics and his activism, he played a part in giving me the courage I needed to come out and be myself.

What drew me to Macklemore, is not that he is gay but that he is straight.

This probably sounds a little bit confusing but for me, he truly introduced me to what an “Ally” is. Up until that point I was not concerned about what women or other gay people would think of me I was particularly concerned about what my straight male friends and family members would think of me.

That’s why for me he really stood out especially as a rapper his message was amplified by all of the hate and negative connotations that homosexuality got, and still gets to this day in rap music.

His song “Same Love” was for me at first listen, a recipe for an ugly cry.

But for all the right reasons. He managed to capture in his short 7-minute video so many things that at that point in my life petrified me. Religion, Stereotypes, and the belief that homosexuality was something that could be “cured” and many more awful thoughts that run through the mind of a scared kid questioning their sexuality.

I grew up in a very supportive household, but this song helped the only person who it would turn out didn’t accept me for being gay. Me, it helped me accept myself.

It is amazing how profound the effect of a strangers voice and well put together music video can be for so many people.

I decided to share my admiration for Macklemore to help anyone out there who feels like they aren’t accepted to find a voice of hope. Whether they don’t feel accepted for their skin color, religion, sexuality or for any other reason; for this song serves not only as a gay anthem but as a call to action for human rights as a whole.

I’ve included a few other songs below that have empowered me over the years:

Born This Way

Giant in My Heart

Follow Your Arrow

If you have any songs that have significance to you I’d love to hear them! Please, comment or share them with me directly: Let’s Connect

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Help! I think I am Gay

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Typed fourteen-year-old me into the family computer, immediately deleting any digital trace of my search.

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Now that I am older and debatably wiser I think its time for me to dissect this feeling from my childhood by breaking down this search.

Help

I typed frantically as if the solution for my perceived “gayness” existed somewhere within the depths of the internet. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. 

I think

The carefully placed “I think” was a not so little fragment of hope that perhaps this was “Just a phase”.

I am Gay

The acceptance of this fact terrified fourteen-year-old me and this fear was a big reason why it wouldn’t be until four years later that I’d finally admit it to myself.

Looking back on it now, I can’t help but laugh at myself. After a lot of soul-and-chatroom searching, I eventually came to the realization that I had a problem. No, not that I am Gay… but that I thought my being gay was a problem.

See this whole time I was searching for a solution to a problem that didn’t exist.

If you are out there questioning your sexuality just please know that regardless of what you hear from people around you and people online there is nothing wrong with you.

There are countless online resources available for those in your situation, I’ve included a short list of websites that offer support and information for a variety of situations that people in the LGBT community face:

Homepage

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx

Support Homepage

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I invite you to comment and share some of your own experiences, you can do so below!

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally