Tag Archives: Advice

3 Things to Know Before Coming Out

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Coming is not an easy process for anybody. The fear of coming out is only natural; your brain is hardwired to avoid risk and for a lot of people, coming out is very risky.

It’s a risk for your family life, social life and sadly in some backwards countries today it is still a risk to your LIFE.

So with all that is unknown, it can be hard to justify taking that leap into living your life true to you. I am going to demystify a few things about coming out that you should know beforehand in order to better prepare yourself.

  1. People are Ignorant

This should come as no shock to you, but your sexuality will certainly be a shock to some people. Let it be. Don’t entertain debate about the validity of your sexuality. Certain people will never understand.. and they don’t have to! If they don’t like gay marriage then they shouldn’t get gay married. Don’t waste your time justifying yourself, you are 100% justified to be you whatever that entails.

    2. Take care of yourself, let your friends in

The coming out process can weigh a heavy toll on your mental health, keep your head up and lean on your friends, your friends that support you.  If you foresee that coming out is going be tough on you, try and strategically pick a few friends to come out to first who you know will support you.

    3. It will get better.

Cliche I know. But it will. Trust me in this, listen to your gut and do what you need to do to be you. No matter how well or how bad people take it, the experience will be a liberating one if you view it as one.

If you feel like you have no one to talk to feel free to contact me

or contact an appropriate hotline who can help you find resources.

What are some things you think people should know before coming out?

Let me know what you think in the comments.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Being Gay in High School: Why I hid it.

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When should I come out? To whom should I come out to first? How should I come out?

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All of these questions that bombarded me late at night when rather than sleeping I was up watching coming out stories on YouTube, reading articles about being gay or doing pointless buzzfeed surveys to confirm what I already knew as if it would somehow be changed.

To answer that first question “When should I come out?” I quickly realized that coming out while in high school would not be a good move for me. I was not one of the popular kids nor did I eat lunch alone I was that middle of the pack, under the radar kind of guy.  I thought that if I came out in High School or told anybody that rumors would fly and suddenly I would be on everyone’s radar.

This thought did not go unfounded as I heard the rumors about other kids in the school whether it was confirmed or not when someone was thought to be gay… it was talked about. In the chemistry lab, at the cafeteria table and even “the smoke pit” the news traveled fast.

I spent a lot of time denying my sexuality in high school going out with girls and really for all intents and purposes trying to be straight. It was for that reason that I felt my coming out would put an even larger target on my back. So I hid it.

My gut told me high school would not be the right setting, so I waited until it was over.

Soon after high school finally ended I slowly but surely came out to each and every one of my close friends and family.

After that, I went to college and from that point on anytime that it came up I was honest, not scared anymore to admit the fact that I was gay. I never shouted it from the rooftops or told every person I saw but if it came up in conversation I no longer changed the topic.

This is what worked for me. Thankfully I  was lucky enough to have lots of very supportive friends and family and I understand this is not the case for everyone.

I have a few tips if you or someone you know is looking to come out but doesn’t know where to start.

Tip #1 

If you feel that some important people in your life may not take the news well, tell those you think will react well first. This will build you a support circle so that if things get bad you have people to lean on.

Tip #2

Don’t rush. Don’t feel pressured to come out if you are not ready and you don’t need to tell the whole world at once. Start small, but for your own sake, start.

Tip #3

Give people time to process the information and don’t take offense if they aren’t surprised by this new information.

If you have any tips you’d like to share with me feel free to comment on this post I’d love to hear them.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Read this before you download Grindr

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So you’re ready to meet someone?

You are not alone if when you read that sentence the first thing that came to mind was online dating. The gay community has a number of specific applications tailored to them Grindr, Manhunt, and Hornet to name a few. Since Grindr is one of the few platforms I tried out when I was looking to meet someone I am going to describe based on my own experience what it was and what it wasn’t and ultimately why I deleted it.

What it was:  Grindr is pretty much solely a hookup app, I say pretty much because people looking for a genuine relationship are few and far between. A lot of people are drawn to the app because of the anonymity of it, unlike Tinder, you don’t require to link any other social media platforms to it. If you are looking for hookups, then look no further but if you are looking for a genuine connection I suggest you look elsewhere.

What it wasn’t: Safe. The anonymity that Grindr provides is a double-edged sword as those who are in the closet can meet people without outting themselves but at the same time, it is filled with catfish and people with genuine malicious intent as you can see in the two articles below:

Grindr Serial Killer

Man Intentionally Poked Holes In Condoms To Infect Grindr Hookups With HIV

In my on-again-off-again relationship with Grindr when I was single I talked with many but met with few and can say without a doubt all of all were disappointing.  For me personally, I felt too much like a piece of flesh and less like a person with feelings and for that reason, I used other online platforms to meet my awesome boyfriend.

Grindr is that place your parents warned about where you talk to strangers on the internet.

I don’t want to end this piece off on a negative note. If you do choose to use Grindr, I recommend you use caution and more caution than I myself used when I was meeting people off the app. Here are a few handy tips to keep you safe:

  • Always share your location with a friend. You can spare them the gory details but if you can find one friend who you can share this with it will give you some peace of mind
  • Meet in a public space. No, don’t do it right there in the park but give yourself a little time to read the person and be sure to listen to your gut.
  • Be prepared. I am pretty sure you know what you are into so bring the appropriate supplies I’m not talking handcuffs and blindfold. I am talking protection (Okay you can bring the handcuffs and blindfold too)

Be sure to like my page to hear about which app I found successful and how I used it in coming articles.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally

Help! I think I am Gay

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Typed fourteen-year-old me into the family computer, immediately deleting any digital trace of my search.

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Now that I am older and debatably wiser I think its time for me to dissect this feeling from my childhood by breaking down this search.

Help

I typed frantically as if the solution for my perceived “gayness” existed somewhere within the depths of the internet. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. 

I think

The carefully placed “I think” was a not so little fragment of hope that perhaps this was “Just a phase”.

I am Gay

The acceptance of this fact terrified fourteen-year-old me and this fear was a big reason why it wouldn’t be until four years later that I’d finally admit it to myself.

Looking back on it now, I can’t help but laugh at myself. After a lot of soul-and-chatroom searching, I eventually came to the realization that I had a problem. No, not that I am Gay… but that I thought my being gay was a problem.

See this whole time I was searching for a solution to a problem that didn’t exist.

If you are out there questioning your sexuality just please know that regardless of what you hear from people around you and people online there is nothing wrong with you.

There are countless online resources available for those in your situation, I’ve included a short list of websites that offer support and information for a variety of situations that people in the LGBT community face:

Homepage

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual-Teens-Facts-for-Teens-and-Their-Parents.aspx

Support Homepage

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

I invite you to comment and share some of your own experiences, you can do so below!

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally