When should I come out? To whom should I come out to first? How should I come out?

All of these questions that bombarded me late at night when rather than sleeping I was up watching coming out stories on YouTube, reading articles about being gay or doing pointless buzzfeed surveys to confirm what I already knew as if it would somehow be changed.

To answer that first question “When should I come out?” I quickly realized that coming out while in high school would not be a good move for me. I was not one of the popular kids nor did I eat lunch alone I was that middle of the pack, under the radar kind of guy.  I thought that if I came out in High School or told anybody that rumors would fly and suddenly I would be on everyone’s radar.

This thought did not go unfounded as I heard the rumors about other kids in the school whether it was confirmed or not when someone was thought to be gay… it was talked about. In the chemistry lab, at the cafeteria table and even “the smoke pit” the news traveled fast.

I spent a lot of time denying my sexuality in high school going out with girls and really for all intents and purposes trying to be straight. It was for that reason that I felt my coming out would put an even larger target on my back. So I hid it.

My gut told me high school would not be the right setting, so I waited until it was over.

Soon after high school finally ended I slowly but surely came out to each and every one of my close friends and family.

After that, I went to college and from that point on anytime that it came up I was honest, not scared anymore to admit the fact that I was gay. I never shouted it from the rooftops or told every person I saw but if it came up in conversation I no longer changed the topic.

This is what worked for me. Thankfully I  was lucky enough to have lots of very supportive friends and family and I understand this is not the case for everyone.

I have a few tips if you or someone you know is looking to come out but doesn’t know where to start.

Tip #1 

If you feel that some important people in your life may not take the news well, tell those you think will react well first. This will build you a support circle so that if things get bad you have people to lean on.

Tip #2

Don’t rush. Don’t feel pressured to come out if you are not ready and you don’t need to tell the whole world at once. Start small, but for your own sake, start.

Tip #3

Give people time to process the information and don’t take offense if they aren’t surprised by this new information.

If you have any tips you’d like to share with me feel free to comment on this post I’d love to hear them.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, feel free to share it on social media.

Thanks for reading,

Colin

Becoming Myself, Digitally